$12.00
Almond SugarMoms
Almond SugarMoms
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Almond SugarMoms
$12.00What could be more refreshing and wholesome than a mouthful of Mom? Almond SugarMoms are the very embodiment of all that is wonderful about motherhood. They’re light, but firm; tender, but a little flaky; thin, yet weighty with responsibility (and butter). The almond flavoring gives them that delicious impression of marzipan without the guilt. Buy some for your dear mother, or get some for...
$12.00
Uncle Joel’s Sportin’ Lumber
Uncle Joel’s Sportin’ Lumber
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Uncle Joel’s Sportin’ Lumber
$12.00This combination would make Paula Dean jealous enough to deep-fry a baby (in butter, of course). It’s made with 5th Avenue candy bars. Eight of ‘em. Chopped up and smooshed into the dough. Then the dough balls are smashed down with a small handful of French’s Potato Sticks and baked to perfection. The result is a crunchy, chewy, crispy, salty, sweet experience that will give any...
$12.00
Coconut
Coconut
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Coconut
$12.00Somewhere, deep in the glorious, heat-glazed tropics, a palm tree is waving its fronds in the island breezes and wondering, “What have you bastards done with my babies?” And somewhere else, delicious coconut babies are being chopped up and processed in order to become delectable coconut cookies. That’s right, bitches, coconut. A big-ass mound of shredded coconut, toasted in the...
$12.00
Maple Pignolia
Maple Pignolia
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Maple Pignolia
$12.00Oh, the wily pineamal! It takes hundreds of highly-skilled Chinese trackers to find it. It must be brought down with gargantuan amounts of Thorazine in order to carefully harvest only one of its two pine-nuts (pignolia) under dangerous conditions in which it might awaken and rip out our throats at any moment. The pine-nuts are brought home where they are toasted–delicious and delicately nutty,...