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Lemon MotherPuckers, or How to Disappoint Your Mother. Again.

Lemon MotherPuckers, or How to Disappoint Your Mother. Again.

So this was my attempt at a Mother’s day gift. Lemon infused sugar cookie roses with sugar cookie leaves using Christine Varney’s All-Purpose No-Fail Wonderful Supreme No Scour Sugar Cookie Recipe (with scrubbing bubbles!) The leaves turned out fine. I mean, really, how can you fuck those up?

The roses were a different matter.

The first attempts melted in the oven into, I swear to God, dog turds. If you ever need realistic edible dog turds delivered to a frienemy, I’ve got what you need. Then I figured out that if I put the delicate, little suckers into parchment and used shot glasses to hold them while they baked, they’d hold their shape better.

And hold their shape they did!

Unfortunately, they didn’t bake all the way through, so when my Dad took a bite of one, he gagged delicately and made some feeble excuse for why he needed to rush to the kitchen. Mom was a brave soul and made it almost all the way through one before admitting defeat and declaring the texture “Plaster of Paris.” I likened it to either marzipan or dental mould.

Maybe I’ll get it right in time for Mother’s Day next year.